I am very much afraid to fail.
I am afraid of letting my parents' expectations of me fall down.
I am living for others' measurements and not for God's.
I can still remember the times when the computer at home would break down because of viruses, of low voltage, of the rain etc.I would cry in front of our PC because it would mean another failing grade in Research. My thesis was the most important thing that mattered to me when I was in high school. Once, my flash disk got lost & it was my worst nightmare-come-to-life. Just days before, I dreamed that a snake bit me on the hip and it went right through my flesh. I hated a lot ofteachers, backbite them. I made fun of my "friends" (well, some of them) and other people.
All that mattered to me during those times was having even just a bit of my schoolmates' attention by stepping on others.I used to take my studies seriously. Well, until 4th year. The last year of my high school.I was tired of everything.
So why am I telling these things?
Because there's one thing I realized after all those countless bittersweet memories I had as a high school student.God never failed me even if I failed Him many times [purple is the color of royalty]. He promised to..."never leave us nor forsake us."
Honestly, a lot of circumstances came wherein I questioned God...I would question His plans for me. But in the end, His (plans) were indeed for my own good.
There's also this line from a song that I would like to share: "..God is too wise to be mistaken, God is too good to be unkind. So when you don't understand, when you don't see His plan, when you can't trace His hand trust His heart..." --> I sing this to myself to remind me of His plans.
I pray that may His plans be mine too & not the other way around.
Now I just graduated from high school [with God's favor I graduated with honors & made it to
one of the best universities in the country]...
"He still never fails to reveal Himself to me in different ways"
