Barely Breathing

No contentment, no happiness, no fulfillment. I cannot fully master the art of getting by.
Every waking hour, if I even get to sleep, that is, signifies the start of yet another dreadful routine.

I cannot tell you about it now, not yet. But once I get over this phase, believe me, I'm never getting back here again. No one can make me.

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What the Candle Taught Me

Sound of falling raindrops accompany me tonight as I begin writing these thoughts down on the last pages of my Little Prince journal. Electric power had gone out an hour ago and I’m still here on our dining table, settling down as I have just lit another candle so I could continue this solitary activity. And so I write. While staring but for a few moments at the bent candle in front of me.

It amazes me how one discovers great lessons from such simple daily objects- if only one finds the time to look closely. 

I did. And this is what the candle taught me.

Lessons from a Candle

The candle, though bent as a result of poor positioning upon storage, isn’t yet broken. And as long as it’s still a candle, it has a purpose it currently fulfills.

Candles are formed under high temperature. Wax has to be melted and fitted onto the mold for its desired shape to come out. It’s never an easy journey in achieving a goal.

They all come in different shapes and sizes, nevertheless, it’s the wick that ultimately defines why candles are valued.

Candles are celebrations of life and death; they have topped birthday cakes amidst the joyous celebration and they have wept with those who mourn for the passing away of a loved one.

The candle weeps for its death, more precisely, it weeps while its dying. But that doesn’t stop it from burning, from living.

Even after  death, they give life to newer ones. The melted wax never loses its purpose even upon the end of the previous candle of which it once was a (great) part of. The opportunity to be a part of a newer candle is always there.

And the lesson we all know too well- their light brings hope even in the darkest of nights (literally). Theirs are the most reliable when everything else fails, even human technology (Yes, I’m talking about power outage).

Candle burning bright,

Let your fire purge my darkness-

I be pure as flame.

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An Extended Weekend

Despite the continuous fall of rain in this place, I just feel so dry. My spirit feels so dead. I've told myself a hundred times to revive the life which I had found before I got in this place.

Now the streets are flooded, many people try to stay warm... but I am like a homeless person, I am cold and wet and tired. And these walls aren't giving me any comfort. These walls I've built around myself make me feel isolated.

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Losing Your Sight is Not Losing Your Life

A person with active systemic lupus erythematosus suffers numerous complications, which as the name itself suggests, involves various systems of the body. Though the cause of the disease is unknown most scientists think that autoimmunity is the primary cause; the body produces antibodies, such as antinuclear antibodies (ANAs), against its own cells. The formed antigen-antibody complexes then suppress the body's normal immunity and damage tissues. 

The patient in this case is put in a greater risk not only for infection but in the consistent decline of the body's normal function. Antibodies against tissue components such as RBCs, neutrophils, platelets and almost any organ or tissue are formed in patients with SLE.

This review article focuses on  the ocular manifestations of SLE which affect about one-third of those suffering from it. These manifestations range from orbital to irreversible vision loss. 

Based on studies, 29% of these ocular manifestations is lupus retinopathy and is greatly correlated to an underlying CNS disease.In my patient's case, she experienced gradual vision loss secondary to vitreous hemorrhage, glaucoma was how the doctor explained it to her.

As a healthcare provider, we have been taught to promote independence to our patients, despite their conditions. Though understandably, a person afflicted with SLE experiences a number of symptoms, one of its greatest blow would probably be losing one's vision. It is one thing to be sick but still be able to perform certain things on your own, but even gradual visual loss-which for her only took a year- would take a longer time to adjust to. She was fortunate to still have the chance of undergoing an operation to restore her vision, though in certain cases, it was no longer an option.

The only thing worse than a disease with an unknown cause is having a treatment not for the condition itself but for the relief of symptoms, as the case in SLE. It is a great realization, especially in my level, that one of the best interventions I can perform does not rely on giving medications to the patient but in staying with the patient on the bedside, talking and listening to her for even if she cannot see me, and though I cannot see her smile behind the mask, her eyes still show that she smiles. And even if she had temporarily lost her ability to see,one never loses her to feel; to be grateful for everything that's going around her and for her.

A reaction on:

Open Ophthalmology Journal (2009). Autoimmune Retinopathy in Systemic Lupus Erythematosus: Histopathologic Features

Hindawi Publishing Corporation (2012). Ocular Manifestations of Systemic Lupus Erythematosus: A Review of the Literature 

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Done, done & done...

had fun dressing up semi-formally for our Ward Class since we're almost, almost done.

(photo credits: Kath)

Group E for Ecstacy.

~Ja ne!

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Nursing, College of Nursing!

This profession is ironic:

We promote proper sleep when we stay up late at night doing paper works, proper nutrition when we skip our meals because of extended duty hours (*insert other relevant reasons here*).

We teach and care for those in need but I find it more beautiful when we learn a greater deal of life lessons from those whom we teach and gratefulness from those people whom our profession exists for.

You say thank you, well, let me thank you too.

So far,

so good.

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Four letters of significance to us who had been working hard for "it".

Hello blogger!

A joke I heard:

Guy 1: What's December 11?

Guy 2: 10 days before the world ends.

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